Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Early Winter Blues: I Almost Said Good Bye

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In two days my blog´s auction will conclude. I will no longer own my flagship site, Creative Fashion, should a bidder surpasses the reserve price. This realization hit me big today and I succumbed to tears. It hurts so much to think that someone will take over my kingdom soon.

"Huh? Blog auction? What is it?", you may think.

Well, blog auction is just like any auction, potential buyers engage in a bidding war and the winner gets to buy the site.

"Why are you selling your fashion blog?", you may think again.

Haa! It wasn´t an easy decision, to say the least. I carefully thought about it for a hundred times, brought it to prayer over and over again, and even after I had it listed for auction, I was still playing cha-cha within myself - should I sell my fashion blog or not?

Since early this year I noticed that my passion for blogging about fashion has decreased a ton. I no longer have that fire and eagerness to blog which I always had for two years. I started seeing blogging like a chore, gone were the days when they say that if you love what you do, you no longer have to work a day. That´s because you don´t see yourself working, you´re having lots of fun.

I love my fashion blog so much, and I still love blogging. However, while it wasn´t clear at first, it dawned on me that I´ve reached the plateau, my blog has reached the plateau, and I´ve done everything I could ever do for my blog. Once you reach the top, there´s nowhere else to go but down. And so the past six months, I watch in pain the slow decrease of my blog in terms of alexa rank.

The traffic is still strong. I take pride of the site´s strong stable traffic and it has survived both the Google´s Panda and Penguin updates. But I got to admit in myself, I can no longer bring the site forward.

So I started blogging for the sake of maintaining the site, and as you can guess, it´s no longer fun.

Then I met Francine Rivers, a Christian novel author, through her book, Redeeming Love. A friend of mine who´s living in London was kind enough to send it to me.

Reading this book led me to self-evaluate. I love literature and it has always been my dream to write novels. Although I put off this dream after I discovered blogging, it was always there asking once in a while, "when will you pick me up?"

But more than just remembering my first love which is writing fiction, the story of the book pursuaded me to seek self revival.

You see, in the last 2.5 years I was too consumed with fashion. I spoke, thought, and wrote fashion almost every single day. And while I managed to create a quality blog which served as a resource for style savvy women - of which many readers have commended saying that my blog isn´t like any other vain blog - focussing too much on fashion drifted me far from my original purpose, which is to use my gifts for the glory of God.

At the back of Francine Rivers´s book, she said that she used to believe that the ultimate purpose of life is to pursue happiness. Now, she doesn´t believe it anymore. She believes that the ultimate purpose of life is to use our God given talents for His glory.

This made me ponder for quite a while, how could I use my talents for God? Have I glorified Him in my writings of fashion and trends? How did my fashion writing career impacted my spiritual life?

Well, if I´m to be honest, there are both goods and bads. The good is that no matter how novice I was in terms of fashion and style when I started, think fashion vocabs, I was able to establish myself as an authority in this overly populated niche in just a short time.

The negative side is that, no matter how hard I tried to deny it, I became a vain person in many ways. I dressed like a fashion blogger should dress. In less than two years since I arrived her in Germany with just a couple of suitcases, my closet expanded immensely. I consumed and consumed.

Did this make me happier? You may be surprised to hear this but the answer is "No." In fact, it was the reverse. Whenever I visited other fashion blogs to interact and leave a comment, I always feel envious. I think of how lucky is that girl, her shoe collection is bigger than mine. Oh, how lucky is that girl, she gets to wear designer clothes while two third of my closet is just high-street. Ahh, how much I covet that 3.1 Philip Lim satchel she´s carrying.

Materialism, when will you satisfy me?

And so on, and so on ... Until I woke up one day and realized, my journey in the fashion world is close to an end. But not entirely!

I believe that after years of blogging about fashion, five years in total, I can´t just turn my back and leave. It has become a big part of my life and so I´m not abandoning it entirely. I still enjoy talking about style but I want it to be more carefree, personal, and relax. I´m glad I have this blog. As you know, things started right here.

And as I take a few steps back, I´ll be settling here in my original blog where I have a smaller audience and I feel free to talk just about anything that interests me. I no longer have to give a damn about stats, who cares about my alexa rank and how many subcribers unsubscribed after I published that post. Didn´t they like my yesterday´s post? I´m just going to have fun.

I really hope that I can find the right buyer for my flagship fashion blog. I don´t want it to end up in ruins, I hope that whoever gets to take over will continue to bring it forward. It´s a great blog and it´s very dear to me.

As for my next move, I still have four blogs under my belt in different niches. I will continue to work on them until they´re ready to hit the market next year. After I´ve sold all my blogs and I´m exhausted, I will go back to creative writing and hopefully, I get to jumpstart my first Christian-inspired novel.

Francine Rivers inspired me a lot. I want to be like her.

Update: My blogazine wasn´t sold because I didn´t find the perfect buyer. There were two potential buyers both women, whom I liked but didn´t have sufficient funds. The men who had the funds, I couldn´t trust them enough to move the site forward. So I decided to keep the my flagship site and fight for it. Weird as it may seem, I felt relief and new passion was born.

1 comment:

  1. I like her dress.



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